Gravity

A one-woman show called Gravity. Set in space; where there is no gravity, and no laugh track. Not a good start.

Sandra Bullock (The Proposal, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous) stars as Ryan Stone, a sad woman who gets stuck in space without a hope of returning to earth. She drifts around a lot, and talks a lot more. George Clooney (Spy Kids, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut) also stars.

I can’t help feeling that this film would’ve been so much better if director Alfonso Cuarón had spent more time casting, and less time focusing on the stars. With a 1 hour and 30 minute running time, it’s the ideal length for a Stand-Up comedy special. Which is, essentially, what Gravity is. It’s 90 minutes of one person talking. Sandra Bullock is not a stand-up comedian. For the 90 minutes of her incessant gabbing, there are approximately 3 jokes. That’s 1 joke every 30 minutes. That’s hell.

I would’ve preferred to have seen a more qualified comedian in the role. Sarah Silverman for example. She’s hilarious and not afraid of stepping over taboo lines and talking about farting etc. Even the great Melissa McCarthy, Bullock’s co-star in the wildly hilarious The Heat, would’ve aced this role and brought the 5 jokes a minute required to make Gravity a success. God forbid they even put a man in the role… Someone like the masterful Adam Sandler would’ve lit up space with his comedy cavalier.

There is one scene that made me laugh. Bullock is talking to someone on the radio and starts howling like a dog. Her impersonation is spot on. More animal noises, and less drifting would’ve garnered more chuckles out of this reviewer.

But you’ve got to work with what you are given. And when your director is blatantly stealing scenes from other, more successful films, you’re already on the back foot.

For example, the following scene shows George Clooney pulling Sandra Bullock across Space. Look familiar? You’ll see…

Stealing scenes is not a crime, but bastardising them is. There are no jokes, no recalls, and no farts. Surprisingly, this scene survived the cutting room floor.

Clooney even starts with a “Where you from?” question, but then fails to make fun of the answer, by answering that he actually doesn’t know where that place is. Banter fail.

The following scene is from RocketMan, a film that is high up on my “Top 10 Funniest Films of All Time” list. A scene almost identical to what we just saw from Gravity. Two people attached, one guiding the other. Instead of space, they’re on a foreign planet. But the similarities are uncanny. There is one difference. Real Comedy. See which one you prefer…

The real comedy starts at 1:12.

There is quite clearly only one winner here. I say if you’re going to borrow from the best, then borrow the best bits from the best.

There is a solution that I would have implemented if I were directing “Gravity.” Firstly, I would change the title to “No Gravity” as irony is the lowest form of wit.  Also, there is a possibility that casting was an issue taken out of the directors hands. Clooney and Bullock have great star power, and that’s how films get made. Keeping that in mind, and keeping in mind that the script was set in stone, I would’ve suggested something to accompany the score.

A laugh track.

When in doubt, add a laugh track. The audience likes nothing more than being told when to laugh. It’s easier than thinking for themselves and it also helps them to realise that what they just saw, was actually funnier than they thought it was. I’m not saying it would’ve saved the film completely because the script is virtually a dead horse. A laugh track would’ve revived the horse and guided it towards a fine gallop.

I would advise that you wait for this film to be released as a free podcast that you can watch on your phone sometime in the future. It’s not worth your money.

I give Gravity 1 chuckle, out of 5.