The very first Disney Animation was set on a boat. It stars Steamboat Willie, before he resorted to his stage name, Mickey Mouse. It might be the greatest thing you watch all year. It will be the trippiest, most mind-boggling form of animal-abuse-comedy you’ll ever see, unless you’re a drug addict who swings your cat above your head for fun, or you like making music by wringing a duck’s neck. Then I don’t approve of you.
Putting aside Steamboat Willie aside for a bit, let’s focus on the competitors: Captain Phillips vs All is Lost. Tom Hanks vs Robert Redford. The guy from Big vs the guy who paid Demi Moore to have sex with him. Tom Hanks is a tour de force in comedy… if we still lived in 1990. Robert Redford is a good looking guy. The comedy gene is often sacrificed for the good-looking gene…
Which film is funnier? Does Robert Redford’s one hander sink slower than Tom Hanks’ bore-fest? Is it possible to pick a winner amongst the losers? Of course! Comedy is nothing if not a competition, and today we’re going to pick a comedy champion amongst the also-rans.
Captain Phillips is about a captain of a cargo ship that gets hijacked by some bickering Somalian pirates. There is a lot of yelling and bad planning, ending with the captain stuck in a tiny boat, with pirates, for days.
All is Lost is about Robert Redford on a yacht. His yacht sinks but he has another, tinier boat, which he floats on, for days.
Steamboat Willie is about a mouse on a boat. He makes musical instruments out of animals.
Already, Steamboat is light years ahead, both in comedy and in actual human years since it was made in 1928.
Are there any funny parts in either of the also-rans? Well, Robert Redford performs some classic physical comedy by slamming his head into a pole. Nothing beats the head slam and at his age, he performs it admirably. Going by Steamboat Willie’s standards though, it’s laughable how unfunny the rest of the film is. Redford catching one seagull and squeezing it till funny noises came out of it, could have pushed it to another level. Hindsight, it seems, only comes after the fact. It would’ve maybe been worthwhile introducing a dolphin. Dolphins are naturally funny animals and it would’ve helped the film if they had developed some kind of comedy banter.
Redford: Dolphin, I’m so thirsty. I really could do with some water.
Dolphin: Squeak. Click.
Dolphin sprays water from its mouth into Redford’s face.
Redford: Dolphin. I said water, not saliva!
Dolphin: Click click click.
I’m not a screenwriter, but sometimes you just need one good comedy gag to win over your audience. Alas, no dolphins, no chuckles.
In Captain Phillips, Hanks is ,unfortunately, outfunnied by the hilarious Somalian pirates. The language they speak, I’m not sure if it’s made up or not, sounds funny to listen to. Smart move by director Paul Greengrass, who must’ve realised too late that he was dealing with Hanks – version 2013, instead of Hanks – version 1990. Nothing is funnier than funny sounding people. Nothing.
I just wish that, in the vain of all the great “funny language” improv games, the actors could’ve used some cleverly timed English words, mid-sentence, to maximise comedy potential.
Pirate: gabble gabble gabble gabble randsom gabble gabble gabble gabble no toilet on this boat gabble gabble gabble.
Or. Maybe just make the funny language funnier. Like this:
So which is funnier? Captain Phillips has its moments, but All is Lost has great unrealised potential… In this case, there is no winner. The only loser here, sadly, is comedy. Both these films get one chuckle, out of five.
But the hope comes all the way from 1928. Bless that little mouse and its contorting limbs, and lack of respect for other animals. Bless his big ears and swaying hips.
On a final note, here is a scene which I believe would have fit perfectly in All is Lost. Once again, he is the master, showing us how it’s done.
The Comedy Critique 